


Kurapika and Leorio just doing some random bullshit idk

by randylahey5446



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: ....what else is popular, Anal, First Time, Gay, I suck at tagging things so um, It has Kurapika in it, Kurapika - Freeform, Nope not gonna say it, Other, POV First Person, Pitou's ge-, Porn, Short, Tonpa - Freeform, Underage Sex, slight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-15 22:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randylahey5446/pseuds/randylahey5446
Summary: It says it in the title





	1. Chapter 1

It was movie night in the Leorio cave, and Kurapika wasn't having it.

"Leorio, I thought you said this movie was good,"

"...what part of this movie don't you like?"

Kurapika took a huge deep breath. "The acting is douchey, the dialogue is redundant and showy at best, the comedy is low brow and heavily forced, the entire tone of the movie feels like it's supposed to be esoteric towards other like-minded, narcissistic individuals like the person who directed this movie,"

Leorio snapped.

" _You conceited bastard! How dare you spread such heresy! You just don't understand, or even try to understand the genius of this work, you just scoff at it like some snobbish movie critic, while unwittingly poisoning people with your unneeded, self-centered, ghoulish, bullcrap!"_

That had to wake the neighbors.

There have been several noise complaints due to Leorio's raging, and "very loud disagreements" with Kurapika before. But luckily for the duo, today was Saturday, and it was still before 10pm.

"...hmmmm," Kurapika started, rubbing his chin. "You seem to be very passionate about your argument, and you have the potential to convince me that this movie is other than the rubbish that it actually is,"

_"Other than the rubbish that it actually is?!"_

"Hold on, I'm trying to think,"

A long, grueling 5 second wait commenced.

"Wait a minute," Karpika's eyes widened as a stark realization has been made, "I think you used the word 'ghoulish' wrong!"

_"Why the fuck does that actually-!"_

Calm down, deep breaths.

This is just Kurpaika, this is just Kurapika...

"...well, if you don't like movies, and you don't like T.V. shows,"

"I like Breaking Bad,"

"*NO YOU DON'T, YOU'RE JUST SAYING TH-,"

It's only Kurapika, come on, more deep breaths.

It's just Kurapika...

"What is it 'just'?"

"Huh?"

"I don't know, I just keep hearing you saying 'this is just' and I think you're saying my name after that," sexy Kurta boy observed, getting close to Oreo man to give him a brotherly pat on the back.

"Is everything alright with you, man, you're acting really stressed right now?"

"Since when did you have emotional intelligence?"

"Come on, for real, dude,"

"...man? Dude? Did you quit the mafia and started making friends with all the college kids on campus or something? You're being weirdly personable right now,"

Kurapika smiled childishly, as if he was a middle schooler who was about to share a secret. "Oh Leorio,"

The Oreo had a bad feeling about this.

After a high-pitched, borderline cringy (or adorable, how ever you see it) giggle, he took in a deep breath and started to settle down. "I know that I could be a bit introverted, or carping, or even a bit taciturn at times,"

Leorio murmured "That sounds a lot like you,"

"But, I don't know," he furiously drank down all of his wine and started to fall over a little.

"Jesus Christ, you're supposed to pace yourself when drinking that stuff. Besides, this is only your second glass, how the hell are you this tipsy already?"

"I dunno, I just, um," Kurapika walked over towards the Pinot Noir bottle, poured another glass for himself, and gulped it down.  
After plummeting face-first into the table, he took the table-cloth with him to the floor along with the flowers Leorio's mom gave him for his 21st birthday.

"My flowers!"

"Nah man, it's cool, the flowers are cool, it's all good,"

"You're going to kill them! You know how much time I had to kill to keep these plants alive and well throughout the years?"

Kurapika all of a sudden became sad. "Funny, remember the Dark Continent?"

A hauntingly gloomy silence filled the room.

"Kurapika, is everything okay with you?" As he got closer to him, he noticed that Kurapika's eyes were too bloodshot to indicate that three glasses of wine was all he had. "Wait a minute, did you drive here? Were you drinking before you got here?"

"You didn't notice?"

Leorio hardly noticed.

"It's fine," Kurapika shrugged, "besides, that really doesn't matter right now. There are far more pressing concerns on my mind right now,"

Leorio offered him a helping hand, helping him to his feet, appearing more dignifying than before.

"It's so wrong," he started. "I've killed so many people, done so many things wrong, and acted so selfishly, to the point where I valued my own personal ambitions than the lives of the people around me. I really am a selfish person,"

"That's nonsense! There was absolutely nothing that we could do against those monsters! If it weren't for you and Miza's detective work, we wouldn't be able to not only capture the perpetrators, but were able to significantly decrease the amount of damage that happened on the Continent! It was those bastards; those terrible bastards Beyond, Partison, and that goddamned Hisoka and those goddamned Spiders!"

"Leorio, I don't care about the Gendi Rydon, my people were avenged that day. That day when the Spider collapsed, and when all my relatives could finally rest in peace,"

"That's great, but there's something that's clearly bothering you, and I'm worried,"

What a good friend.

"Leorio," he started. "I'm fine, thank you, I think that's all I needed to hear,"

"Huh?"

Kurapika couldn't help but smirk at his friend's confusion and slight naïveté.

"I just, well, I just think sometimes I just get so insecure over everything. I blow up situations to grandiose proportions, alongside with my as some say 'survivor's guilt', just create a endless stream if unwarranted anxiety,"

Leorio cupped Kurapika's shoulder with his hand, giving it a firm, yet gentle rub.

"I worry about things that didn't happen, things that don't matter to me anymore, even though I got myself out of the mob world in a way that there would be no reason, way or merit for anyone to try even *think* about doing harm to me, I still have trouble sleeping at night, and when I do sleep, I often wake up from nightmares with cold sweats all over my body,"

Leorio paid close attention to every detail that he said, and gazed in his eyes impatiently, waiting for more details to be revealed.

"Not only that, I think about the people that I have loved and that are gone. My relatives, my friends, shit,"

Kurapika paused for a moment.

"It still feels like yesterday when me and Pario would come home after a long day of adventuring, and eat homemade apple pie with my parents, with the T.V. turned on while being accompanied by the sound of the other neighborhood kids playing in the background,"

It took a moment for him to come up with what else to say, but after blankly dazing off, his attention returned to Leorio.

"I used to cry a lot to reminisce on those memories, especially when I was starting to learn Nen and make my entrance in the underworld, at least when I was crying, I could peacefully look back at better times and be happy to be blessed with such a wonderful upbringing,"

Kurapika reverted his eyes back to Leorio, feeling the grip on his shoulder tighten.

"Now that time has past and things have happened, the tears just aren't coming anymore," he said coldly. "I feel sentimental, but I don't feel sad to the point where I could cry for all of my lost brethren. And along with that, ever since I avenged my clan and spread their ashes across the Lusko Province, my rage has dissipated as well,"

For the first time in what felt like days, Kurapika cracked a smile, and chuckled a little bit.

"I want to say that I feel like this because I have left everything behind and turned a new leaf, but saying those bland, generic words won't really express the gratitude I have for everything. But, it's true, and I live a better life because of it, and I'm glad that I still have a friend like you who could deal with all my emotional turmoil while genuinely enjoying my company,"

Kurapika held out his empty wine glass, as Leorio filled it for him and made himself a glass and held it out for a toast.

"Thank you, Leorio, for all you have done for me,"

"Don't mention it,"

Glasses clanked, as the two continued to drink to their heart's content for the rest of the night.


	2. Chapter 2

As the two started drinking, certain troubles started to commence...

While the two were watching Seven with Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt, Kurapika was too drunk and unstable to filter his most deep, and regrettable thoughts.

"Man, is it me, or is Brad Pitt sexy as fuck in this movie?"

Leorio couldn't help but painfully furrow his eyebrows not only at the comment, but also at Kurapika for enthusiastically rubbing his crotch underneath his pants.

"You alright, pal? You look a little excited there?"

"I mean, how can't you be! Not only by the way his character effortlessly conducts his badinage with his fellow subordinates, but how can one countermand their urges once gazing upon his irrefutably homely looks?"

"Um, don't you mean, comely?"

"Gahhh," Kurapika took some heavy gulps of vodka. "You know what I fucking mean, Oreo-man,"

Maybe mixing beer with wine, mix drinks, a couple of bong-rips, and vodka wasn't the greatest idea. At this rate, Kurapika's nervous system is going to get all messed up and he's going to turn into a veggie.

"Oh cream-filled cookie, I'd fuck the Taco Bell out of Brad Pitt, how about you?"

"Well, um, maybe I'd say the same about Rita Hayworth, but-,"

"Oh my fuck, there was not one,  _not even one_  attractive male in the Shawshank Redemption. A couple of muscle guys, sure, but there is a very concerning paucity of sexy-men in that movie. *Of course* there's a few sexy, pornographic females, but that's the patriarchy for you,"

"Kurapika, do you really believe that patriarchy crap that's going around on the internet?"

"Yes and no," Kurapika was a lost cause at this point. "Alright, so take the more impoverished, less-modernized civilizations of the world; some  _could_ say that there is 'discrimination' going on in that area, but technically, there's not. In the most traditional, and poverty-stricken tribal-esk countries, well, women and men just have very different roles in those societies because it's all they know. The men *have* to be the ones working, while the women  _have_ to be dealing the domestic areas,"

"So, you're  _for_ the patriarchy in poorer areas that can't function without it?"

"No, what am I, a sexist pig? I only meant in a society where these gender-roles aren't forced, and are consented and understood, they are slightly more forgivable. But, it's still patriarchic bastard-ness if you ask me,"

Leorio didn't even wanna ask why, but Kurpaika continued ranting anyway.

"Like, men and women have the same skill-sets anyway, apart from traditional constructs and pseudo-scientific studies, there is really no productive nor cognitive disability for being one gender or the other. The ones who really think there is, are the ones who are cognitively disabled themselves. It's not like in some of those areas in which the public is educated to look past these roles to be able to be aware enough to realize that gender really doesn't have an impact on productivity, but it's the social construct that has been around for 100's of years in those niche-societies in which they must have to do it even though it's ignorant and wrong, but I think, uhhh,"

Kurapika paced himself with a bong-rip, and a few more heavy gulps of beer.

"It's all wrong! Men and women have the same capabilities! Work-place, interpersonal connections, at overall skill-set, it's just that societies tend to ignore them to give in to their comfortable societal structures because change is something that becomes very much too hard to be able to re-define them in a way that is modernized and ethically sound!"

"...so, women are just as capable of men and it's stupid to question it is what you're saying?"

"But wait, there's more!"

Shit.

"Not only men and women are the same in having overly vague and universal skillsets and people are too retarded and backwards and corrupt to think so, but they have the same sex appeal as well, think about it!"

"Wait, hold-up, I could get behind your up-to-date views on gender roles, but what do you mean by-,"

"Sexism exists in contemporary, modern day society despite our equal rights, think about it!"

Leorio quietly muttered "I want to die" under his breath, while Kurapika continued to drop the lecture of the century onto Leorio's poor soul.

"You see a sexy Carl's Jr. ad with sexy women in it. Okay, they're really not that sexy and they're mostly 50 year old hookers with a shit ton of make-up, but that's my point. Victoria's Secret, Sports Illustrated, the front of most porn websites,-"

Kurapika watches porn?

"- the amount of sexy women that are advertised miserably outweighs the sexy men being advertised. Sexy women, rather it be an eloquently beautiful 20th century Geisha, or a 55-year old milf-hooker-druggie-thingy-mic-bobber in Detroit, there's a certain grace and fluidity in being a woman sexually showing off to heterosexual males or homosexual females. But how about a eloquent man showing off to a heterosexual female audience or a homosexual male audience?"

"Um, what about it?"

"It rarely happens! And when it does, it's usually some token Magic Mike bullshit that isn't even sexy,"

"So what's the takeaway from all of this, why does all of this matter to you and why do you care? And why do you have to passionately tell you all of this, seriously, I just want to mellow out on alcohol and weed and watch this movie in peace, so why are you so passionate about gender-politics-,"

_"HEY LEORIO!!"_

_"WHAT?!!"_

Kurapika giggled. "It's not gender-politics I'm passionate about, it's sexy men that I'm passionate about,"

"...so that means,"

"Yep!" Kurpika went over to sit on Leorio's lap. "I'm bi-sexual!"

"Good for you, man!" He congratulated, throwing him to the other side of the couch. "I'm really glad you came out and battled your demons to get to this point, can we actually watch this goddanm movie now?"

"Hmmmm," Kurapika had to make his move, and fast. "Second base first!"

_"N-NANNI?!"_

"You heard me, you endearing, cream-filled, _cookie,"_

Leorio looked at his, somewhat tipsy friend, slightly crawling towards him on all fours staring him down with his pearly blue eyes, long-wavy hair, and felt slightly enticed by his slender, womanly body and his playful girly smile that accompanied it.

Yep, Kurapika was sexy, and convinced Leorio that he was.

"...ummm,"

"I'll give you twenty dollars,"

"Say no more!!"

The two went to second and third base that night, and forgot all about it the next morning until Leorio started developing "feelings" for him one day...

PART 2??!!!!


End file.
